The Story I Tried Not to Tell ~ The Truth Beneath the Silence

There’s something most people don’t talk about when it comes to healing:

It’s not always the pain that keeps you stuck…it’s the parts of your story you refuse to fully acknowledge.

For a long time, I didn’t tell my story completely.

Not because I didn’t remember it. Not because it didn’t matter.

But because telling the full truth meant I had to sit with it without filters, without edits, without trying to make it sound better than it was.

And if I’m honest…some parts of my story didn’t match the image I had worked so hard to rebuild.

So, I shared what felt safe.

The polished version. The version that wouldn’t make people uncomfortable. The version that allowed me to move forward without looking back too closely.

But here’s what I learned the hard way:

What you don’t confront doesn’t disappear. It waits.

It shows up in how you think. How you respond. How you connect—or don’t connect—with others.

And over time, I realized I wasn’t just hiding my story from people…

I was hiding from parts of myself.

The Shift That Changed Everything

Healing didn’t begin when life got easier.

Healing began when I stopped editing.

When I gave myself permission to say:

“This is what really happened.”

“This is what I carried.”

“This is what I survived.”

No filters. No performance. No protecting an image.

Because the truth is, you don’t build self-mastery on a curated version of your life.

You build it on honesty.

What This Means for You

If you’re reading this, here’s the real question:

Are you protecting your peace…or protecting your image?

Because those are not the same thing.

One leads to healing. The other leads to avoidance.

And avoidance will keep you stuck longer than any mistake ever could.

Practical Reset (Your Work Starts Here)

Start here, simple, but not easy:

• Identify one part of your story you tend to minimize

• Write it down exactly as it happened no softening it

• Acknowledge how it shaped you, without judgment

This isn’t about reliving pain. It’s about reclaiming truth.

Deeper Reflection

• What part of your story are you still editing?

• Who are you trying to protect by not telling the full truth?

• What would shift if you stopped hiding from your own reality?

Next in the Series

In Part 2, we’ll explore what happens when everything looks right on the outside…but beneath the surface, things are already starting to fall apart.

Do You Really Love Me?

“Are you happy with who you are?”

As I looked in the mirror during a self-reflection of forgiveness, I couldn’t respond. Not because I didn’t know the answer, but rather because I knew the past trauma's I'd put myself through and what I was getting ready to admit to myself was going to be the truth and I wasn't ready to hear or receive it.

After a few suffocating moments of silence, the best I could do was shake my head “no” as more tears, now double the size, rolled down my face.

I didn’t like who I was or who I had been. It was evident I certainly didn’t love myself and it was in that moment I came to the crushing realization that it was all my fault.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. I wanted to love myself–desperately, but what I eventually came to understand was this:

When you’re making poor choices, choices that defy what you know in your heart to be right, you never will know Self-Love.

The red flags of domestic abuse - the drug addiction. I'd reached a truly low point in terms of my self-esteem, and it was all because of a series of choices I’d made–choices that I was not proud of, and did not reflect the kind of woman God designed or the person I wanted to be.

Eventually, those poor choices came rushing back to me all at once, swallowing me up in a tidal wave of shame and regret resulting in a dark space of suicidal depression. Sure, I might have cried first for my failed and failing relationships, but in the end, I cried hardest for the person I never allowed myself to become. I didn’t realize it at the time, but a series of subconscious choices had been made and it was time for a change. To start living up to my own potential. To start making myself proud. To start living my truth.

The Choices

Everyday we make choices. We may not choose our circumstances, but we choose how we react. In fact, the only thing truly within our control is ourselves and our choices. It’s all we have.

When other people hurt us, whether verbally or physically, our pain is the direct result of someone else’s choices because the choice is still ours whether we let that pain suffocate us, or if we let it go. Move on. Forgive.

For far too long, I felt the pain and emotional bruising from distant moments I should have long-since forgiven as sharply as if they had just happened yesterday. For far too long, I held onto resentment, blaming others for my choices.

The choice to numb the pain with the over indulgence of drugs. The choice to binge on unhealthy foods knowing the risk it could be on my health. The choice to keep traveling when my body screamed to slow down. The choice to spend undue time and emotional energy on relationships that weren’t meant for me.

I was all too aware of my faults, and for far too long, I had done nothing to correct them. I was avoiding responsibility for the shitty outcomes of my poor choices which wasn’t doing me any favors.

The Courage to Leap

Almost 2 decades later during the pandemic, I had a rude awakening that it's time to start speaking out and I was the only one that could push that button--make that choice.

So FINALLY, I made the choice, the time is now--to put my passion ahead of my pleasures. I started by writing my 1st book Pray, Pursue, Persist that ranked Best Seller. There were many invitational distractions coming at me, but by the Grace of God, I purposely isolated myself. I sat alone in my home, many times with no tv, radio, social media, interactions with family and friends, for hours at a time listening for spiritual guidance and moments of self-reflection. I even found myself alone at dining tables when everyone else was out enjoying the lifestyle that I'd been blessed to build and became accustomed to for myself. But I'd made God and myself a promise, so I had to stay committed.

Funnily enough, I found plenty of time to connect with myself & learned who was and wasn't truly for me. I've grown to accept that I had to emotionally let go of the "reason"--"season" relationships that I tried to force to stay connected to. But the best part of it all was the sense of pride that arose from finally making choices that aligned with what I wanted in my heart--helping women to "become the best version of themselves". I’ve always had a passion to helping others thrive by overcoming their fears and limited beliefs, but now I was given the opportunity to making a business out of what I have personally experienced, to live a life of freedom and being my own boss.

When I finally began making choices for my betterment, my “Blessings" began to increase even more. I became a 3x's Best Seller International Author - Motivational Speaker and #MentalRESET Life Coach, The positive changes that came out of that was all the reassurance I needed to know that I was on the right path, that I was inching closer to living in my truth, to knowing myself, and ultimately unconditionally loving myself.

Growth Time

As time went on, personal development became my addiction. I dedicated late nights and yet still one of my challenges, early mornings to my passion. In my leisure time, I still love to travel, binge on eating Maryland crabs, meditation, listen to music and read self-help books. Not only did I read those books, I created The 30 Day Ultimate Self-Love Guide as well for women like you.

Much like the early lessons, the new lessons I was learning didn’t always register right away. Sometimes, it takes me a couple of rounds to get it, but all the while, I could feel myself changing. I could feel myself growing more aware of who I was becoming, how I acted, even what my heart wanted (some might call that “intuition”) and that awareness allows me to make better choices.

Good choices beget good choices, as it turns out, and what started as a painful personal challenge has now become something of a habit.

That’s not to say that life is fine and dandy as a result or that I don’t still experience deep pain. I endure bouts of crushing self-doubt on a near-daily basis. I torment myself with “what ifs” that have no right to take up headspace. I still sometimes wonder–and maybe I always will–what if I die alone--will I ever have the chance to fulfil the role of having my own family? My faith believes I will, so we'll just have to wait and see.

Self-Love is a process, one that will never be truly complete. There will always be more I could improve, more I can learn, more kindness I can show to myself and others. And in the vein of extending that kindness to myself, I constantly need reminding that yes, I am deeply flawed in many ways, but that is what makes me human, and I deserve love anyway.

At the end of the day, I am still on the path to loving myself and to knowing and living my truth. I can say in all honesty that I love myself now more than ever, and I know I will come to love myself more deeply in the future.

Most importantly, no matter where my journey is heading and where I am in the process of Self-Love, I will always remember…

"I'm Built 4 This = #IB4T and My Pain Has a Purpose"

#SelfEmpowerment #Women #SelfCare

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Being a Woman Entrepreneur

As an entrepreneur, you will have advantages to help you succeed. Unfortunately, there will also be disadvantages. As a woman taking on entrepreneurship, however, you may face challenges and develop strengths differing from what a man may experience during his entrepreneurial career.

It’s important to identify these possible issues so that you may use your advantages to become a successful businesswoman and learn how to overcome the disadvantages holding you back.

The Disadvantages

Networking

Women are less likely to have relationships with people who have networks or connections to help launch and sustain a business. Not only does a network provide valuable information needed to successfully create a business, but it also provides a mentorship as well as referrals you may need for future expansion.

Due to the tendency of the highest levels of corporate leadership to be mostly occupied by men, it is difficult for female entrepreneurs to find a woman in a high occupational seat to seek advice from.

Family Needs

It can be difficult for women to devote the time needed for a business to become successful if they have young children who require constant attention. Trying to launch a business may take up all of your time and this can often put strain on obligations to your family.

It is important to schedule your work life with your family duties in mind. As an entrepreneur, you are the boss and therefore you set the hours needed for your business to grow.

The Advantages

Strength in Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Leadership studies reveal that having high emotional intelligence may prove to be an advantage in business. Having a high emotional intelligence quotient is an important factor in leadership and studies have found that women, on average, have an edge over men when it comes to this.

People with high emotional intelligent quotients understand their own emotions as well as the emotions of their peers, and use the information to help guide how to think and react to the situation.

Collaboration Skills

Working with others and building long-lasting relationships is a strong trait among many women and may aide in the success of a new business. Creating new partnerships among businesses like your own opens a world of opportunities for your business to grow with your competitors, rather than compete against them.

New businesses are going to have difficulty competing against more established companies. If you’re struggling to match your competitors' progress or sales, you may end up in debt. This may eventually result in your company going out of business. Taking on new opportunities creates lasting partnerships and encourages companies to include your business in future prospects.

This is a good time to point out that many people feel that women basically do have the same advantages and disadvantages when it comes to entrepreneurship. Whether or not it's actually true remains unclear.

When it comes down to it, the best way to ensure success as an entrepreneur is to be honest and work hard to achieve your goals. Hopefully, doing so will lead to more advantages and fewer disadvantages.

#IB4T #SelfEmpowerment #Women #SelfCare #MentalRESET